Cameron's Kitchen Table #1

Let's set the scene...

*The Cameron Family Home*

A comfortable, cream, "shabby chic" country kitchen with a view of a vast, green garden peppered with chairs, geraniums and evidence of Cameron spawn's play time... Samantha Cameron lounges on an arm chair flicking through a 'thinspiration' magazine and considers trying the fasting diet. David Cameron reads the economist and the financial times and chortles with relish at the idea of a 'triple dip recession'. 

David: Triple dip? recession? damn those impoverished people with their needs and rights. 

Samantha: I'm afraid you rather rely on those serfs and beggars for your votes... How are you going to sort it out?!

David: calm down dear! I suppose i'll have to cut something.... What about the NHS? Do we need that?

Samantha: Well we don't. We go private anyway...

David: and quite right too! I'd never be seen dead, or alive for that matter, in one of those peasant institutions! Right- let's cut that then. Which hospital first? 

Samantha: well a few have fallen already...

David: That's true... Think of a letter.

Samantha: L?

David: L... L... L... Lewisham! Lewisham A&E is absolutely full to bursting with snotty, dirty, poor people. urgh. Consider it gone.

Samantha: very good dear.

David: Now what about education..... let me just give Michael a call.....

And thus i have discovered how conservative policy is developed! On a less sarcastic note: The privatisation and destruction of the NHS is unforgivable. If there is one thing that England is allowed to proud of it's that we provide everyone, no matter how rich or poor they are, with access to free healthcare.

TIP: fight for the NHS and the education system and for our rights as people of the UK. Fight for what shouldn't have to fight for. We can't afford not to. 

The Yummy Mummy Problem

I'm a feminist. And no, that doesn't mean i shave my head but not any other part of my body.

What it means is that i actively oppose sexist stereotyping and oppression of women and believe that women should be allowed to be and do whatever they want and not be made to feel like they have to fulfil society's female ideals. That doesn't mean that i don't think women should be allowed to be housewives. It just means that i don't think any woman should be forced to be a housewife if she has other ambitions.

What I am amazed by is that there are many girls my age who are unaware that they do, in fact, somewhat force other women to be housewives. For example when i say the words "no. i don't want more than 2 children and i certainly don't want to stay at home and look after them for all eternity", a group of girls turn their heads slowly, look me up and down and say "WHAT?! you mean to tell me that you don't want 18 snotty, dribbling toddlers to climb out of your womb and then hang around your shoulders and chain you to the kitchen sink for the rest of your life whilst being a perpetual drain on your pocket?! You mean to tell me that you would rather work than commit yourself to a life of cooking, cleaning and catalogue browsing?!" I thought we, as a society, were past that. I thought we had got over women not wanting to wear a frilly apron and dedicate their lives to making cheese sandwiches for packed lunch boxes. I thought we had moved on. But clearly we haven't.

Personally they don't make me want to rethink my future. I stand by my choice: Never shall i, while wearing a greige pashmina and sitting in an organic cafe with around 12 million bangles clinking on my wrist, a husband sitting in an office somewhere in canary wharf and a toddler called Jasper drinking a babychino, utter the words: "Aren't you so glad that you get to be with your little darlings all day every day? I'm so glad I found my Hubby so fast!" Never.

But i know not everyone is so determined not to be converted. Yes i will never join the "PTA" or be involved in "mummy and baby low fat coffee mornings" but that doesn't mean i won't be a good parent- and it doesn't mean that you won't be either. It doesn't matter. If you choose to stay at home and become part of the yummy mummy army then that is your choice, but please don't impose it on someone else! Think of it this way- the queue in that organic cafe will be a lot shorter without all us hardened careers women trying to get our hands on your tall, skinny, blonde cappuccino with no chocolate.

So another TIP: don't return to the dark ages of women's rights when we barely got a say in who ran the country let alone whether we worked or not. let us be what we want. After all why do you care if i go out to work instead of staying at home?

By Gove, he hasn't got it!

Michael, Michael, Michael... tut, tut. 
You've really done it this time. 

Let's just recap what Gove has done so far for our education system that we love... *tumble weed roles past* 
oh dear.

Now what about what we don't like so much... 

1: EBacc. now what is that all about Govey? Ofqual doesn't seem to like it very much having said that it "may exceed what is realistically achievable through a single assessment". English, Maths, science, a language and either history or geography is all very well if you are a student who is academically gifted but if you aren't and are better suited to more vocational qualifications well... if we're honest... you're done for. Making things harder doesn't make students more motivated it actually does the opposite and crushes self esteem. So that was well thought through wasn't it?

2: Terminal exams: NO, NO and NO. Modular exams track the development, progress and offer a much better, more rounded image of the student's ability. According to Gove if you muck up one exam you are basically a failure all round and deserve no qualification at all. Thanks for that. 

3: Let's get rid of arts subjects: Oh that's nice. Let's just destroy that whole group of educated, interesting, creative people because they aren't as important as people who like multiplication. After all artists don't have to think about art work, do they? It's ridiculous- the arts require both intelligence and motivation to achieve success and you can't just stop promoting them as core subjects because your weren't very good at them yourself! I agree with Anthony Gormley- let's lock Gove in an Art Gallery until he understands. ( http://www.telegraph.co.uk/culture/art/9707265/Antony-Gormley-lets-lock-up-Michael-Gove.html ) 

now i could continue but i think you get the gist.....

SO another Tip (mostly for Gove and his supporters): get educated about the education system and what your bad decisions actually mean for the normal people you are imposing them on. 

I'm officially a Twit.

I recently joined Twitter.

Why did i do it? your guess is as good as mine.

I have, until recently, been opposed to twitter- the strange, bird themed, stalker-encouraging social networking site that started the hateful 'hash tag' craze. BUT i have been converted. It's rather fun. I do enjoy "tweeting" and "re-tweeting"etc.... 

I still have one issue with it: Tweeting comes front the verb 'to Tweet' not 'to Twitter'. But other than that it's all hunky-dory. 

So I have welcomed twitter into my life and it hasn't been too bad.

You can follow me on twitter if your wish: @vidaadamczewski

Maybe this post's #tip could be along the lines of not being afraid to be a bit of a #twit? i don't know- that's probably not very good advice.

Blonde Jokes: taking the laughing out of lol.

I'm female.

I'm also blonde.

But one thing i'm not is dumb. 

I HATE blonde jokes. I mean really HATE them. And what i hate the most about them is that people tell Blonde jokes in front of me and they think it's ok. They think it's ok because it's only a joke, it's only a bit of fun and it's not 'personal'. 

It's like the phenomenon of saying 'no offence' before an insult to make it less hurtful- since when did that work? if anything it just alerts the victim to the fact that they could take offence if they wished. 

What i wonder is if we, as a society, are ok with people making jokes about hair colour because it's only a joke, can we allow people to make jokes about skin colour? Or sexuality? Or gender? Where do you draw the line? If you can target blondes and hide beneath the mask of humour who else are you capable of targeting? 

There are people who do make jokes about gender, sexuality and race. Those people disgust me. And, if we're honest, they're just an extreme form of the blonde joke makers. Blondes are not sub-human or dumb. Neither are women. And to be honest neither is anyone- except possibly some of the jokers themselves.. 

Blondes are not sluts. There are blondes who are slutty but there are also brunettes who could be considered to be a bit "fur coat and no knickers". I think all forms of stereotyping are wrong. People are individuals and should not be labelled as being either blonde or clever- why can't they be both? either a careers woman or a home maker- why are those incompatible? I don't understand why society has to box people up and file them away under a series of traits and characteristics. Why can't we just all accept that we are all human? That we all deserve equal rights and opportunities and that none of us should be made fun of because of something we can't change? I could dye my hair but i will always be blonde underneath. I won't dye my hair because i love seeing the shock on people's faces when i make a valid, intelligent point and they realise that my hair colour doesn't affect my brain function. 

We shouldn't make any kind of prejudice or stereotyping into a joke. By doing so we normalise it, make it ok, make it funny. We turn it from something to be ashamed of into something that doesn't matter. But it does matter. 

I have a sense of humour.

It just doesn't rely on making other people feel bad about themselves. 

I don't have a sense of humour at the expense of other people.

Because, really, what is the point of making someone laugh if you are making someone else cry?

So... my tip for today is: Think about the jokes you make. Maybe you haven't realised that you say "no offence" too much. Maybe you haven't realised that you often laugh at women or blondes or people from another race? Maybe you haven't realised that actually you stereotype people a lot? Think about it. If you are someone who jokes about people's hair colour then maybe you should stop. It's really annoying. 

turn that frown upside down!

Actually i'm quite liking this new format- does one agree?

So I've had an interesting day.
Wellll... not that interesting but the latter end of the day was quite surreal.

I like cats. I like them a lot. A lot, a lot. I have a cat called Massimo, a cat called Crosby and I did have, until today, a third cat called Stewy. Stewy was 22 years old and he was getting a little scruffy in his old age but he had this strange wise vibe around him, like a sort of aura- a feline aura. He was blind and his eyes were cloudy but they still seemed to see everything, understand everything, empathise with everything. They reminded me of of white opals- slightly iridescent and milky. Today he had to be put down because he was extremely ill and i only found out when i was on my home on the train.

I don't know if you've ever cried in a public space but it really does feel like you are in the movies- everything goes quiet and you notice people looking at you and you notice things about people that you wouldn't notice otherwise. As the tears run down your face you notice that, though crying makes perfect sense to you, everyone else is wondering what's wrong.

I was sat opposite this boy who seemed to be keeping himself to himself but i could see that he had noticed the tears. He looked sorry, as if he felt he needed to apologise to me for whatever had happened. As the train left the station he took a little piece of folded origami paper out of his bag and wrote something on it. I in turn took a piece of paper and made him a very small paper crane.

As the train drew into my stop he stood and handed me the piece of paper and i placed the crane in his hand. The piece of paper read "don't be sad. everything will be okay."

And that's all i wanted to say.
Today's life tip (As stolen from the boy on the train): "don't be sad. everything will be okay."Even stewy will be okay. Stewy won't suffer anymore and i have stopped crying. Don't worry, be happy.

The Internet- quel désastre!

i suppose i should stick to my "give a tip, write a bit" structure but i feel like a change. So here it goes... the long one... the one that (hopefully) hits home... the... deep... and.... meaningful... one...

Not long ago i went to new york during hurricane sandy- it was exciting to say the least- and i got a sudden sense of the fragility of society. Electricity connects us to everyone and has the power to cut us off from everywhere and everyone we love- without a mobile phone, without internet, without tv... even now i am communicating using electricity. I am reaching people i have never even met and i feel like i'm talking to you, i feel like i'm having a conversation.

I was thinking about this when i was involved in a controversial debate about perspectives on homosexuality (Before any of you ask- I am a huge LGBT supporter but i, myself, am heterosexual). I found myself in a room where people were happy to use religion to justify views which i had always assumed were held only by extreme fundamentalist believers in various far away places. apparently i was wrong. I saw people i had always trusted, cared about and been friendly with change into bigoted monsters cowering behind the Bible and its various, ambiguous translations. I suddenly realised that on my Facebook i have liked the Wipe out Homophobia page ( https://www.facebook.com/WHOF1?fref=ts ) but that no one else in that room even knew it existed. I found myself worrying that my friends would desert me, that my little world would fall apart and that they might assume that i was lesbian and hurt me because of it. It was stupid really. But interesting. Interesting to see how people react to prejudice- how i react to prejudice- and how social media has affected how much we know about each other.

in one click i can find out what books my friends like, what tv shows they watch, what music they listen to, whether they are single, in a relationship or 'it's complicated with...' I don't feel like i even need to meet people face to face to get to know them. I can have friendships only through texting, seeing the person on a train once every 3 months and sending Facebook messages. I can tell someone exactly what i think about them without even having to see how they react. I can use sarcasm and have it interpreted incorrectly, i can write blunt and rude emails just as easily as nice ones to make someone feel wanted, I can write a blog and know that someone, somewhere must be listening.

i suppose it's largely a good thing. Instant communication has kept my relationship with my best friend going even after she moved away- i'm proud to say that we have NEVER argued and that she will be visiting me for Christmas- and instant communication has allowed me to show my support for the LGBT community, has allowed me to write what i think and read what i want. But i think (to return to the "write a tip structure") we all need to keep electricity in perspective. Nothing can replace a real smile- no matter how nice the profile picture is or the emoticon used! nothing can replace a real chat- no matter how many CAPS LOCK WORDS or 'ajbakgbkfjdb's or typed letters are used. Nothing can replace a laugh- not even lol, lmao or rofl can do that. And absolutely nothing can replace real humans rather than the filtered robots we meet everyday via the internet. Maybe we should all take a step back and say "Thank you internet for helping us but could you just relax a little? I'm not in the mood for notifications."

Tip number whatever we are up to....
Try not to touch your computer for a day and communicate only with real speech and letters written and posted with a stamp and an address. Go back in time for just a few hours and sigh. it's nice isn't it? not to have to constantly stare at the glare of a screen? very good. me likey.

Me and Mrs Jones

gosh i haven't written in a while... sorry...
But now i have NEWS!!!
for those of you who live in the UK (sorry everyone else) there's a new sit com coming out at 9:30 on friday October 12 on bbc 1! It's called ME AND MRS JONES and my Mummsy produced it! It's got an amazing cast from misfits heart throb- Robert Sheehan, The voice of the bob the builders them tune- Neil Morrissey to Sarah Alexander, the wonderful leading lady who was in coupling and smack the pony.
Anyhewww.... i would love it if you would watch it and tell me what you think!!
http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/p00wzj1c

so i suppose the tip for today is....
WATCH ME AND MRS JONES! it's hilarious!!!

new words and why we lurvve them

a little night time tip (experimental and alternative, eh?) for you to go to sleep with.
here it is: make up words! or spellings of words! or meanings of words!
it means messages are in your own words, literally. it makes texts so much more entertaining. it creates private jokes between you and your mates. it's great. i do it all the time. you should too.
so there you are... alrighty? almighty? i'm tired.

Books and Paris and Paris and Books

books, books, books...

recently i've been reading a lot of books that mention paris- unintentionally... but i must say they've all be quite good. the first was Revolution by Jennifer Donnelly, the second was This is life by Dan Rhodes and the third Perfume by Patrick Suskind. 

So, today's tip is read. It's so relaxing, wonderful and it certainly keeps your brain ticking along.